Lately #16: The Perfect Couple, Kate Winslet and advice on letting go

Five things to entertain you, and one piece of advice.

On Sundays, we share some of our favourite finds from the week in our Lately newsletter.

I’ve been away in London. A year ago I booked tickets to watch renowned trauma and healing specialist Dr. Gabor Maté speak, not knowing if it was realistic that I would make it over. Most people scramble for tickets to gigs, not me - but I will travel to hear a wise man speak! In case you’re interested I’ve included a piece of advice he gave to an audience member at the end of this newsletter.

But - before we get to the deep - read all about the perfect and imperfect things I have found this week.

Yara

1. Something we should all be watching…

I’ll need you to sign an NDA before we get into this one. Standard practice. I get everyone to sign one before I reveal my thoughts on luxe murder-mystery shows.

Is there anyone who hasn’t watched The Perfect Couple yet? For the few who haven’t, it stars Nicole Kidman as novelist Greer Garrison Winbury, ice-queen matriarch of a family that is rich … ‘Kill someone and get away with it rich’. On the morning of her son’s wedding, a body washes up on shore and there’s a carousel of suspects to choose from.

Don't we all just want a beach mansion and a partner that will pour us a gin and tonic as we write?

I can’t help but love an unhinged-rich-people murder show. The premise is nothing new but you get the sense that the creators relished leaning heavily into the stereotypes, while bringing in a little of the unexpected (like the dance mob opening credits that the cast almost vetoed!).

Some things I could have done without: Tag’s over-the-top ‘bro-ness’, Shooter & Amelia’s frolic in the waves and several of the dodgy accents. You? Let’s admit, there was a lot that was borderline bad-bad.

Me pondering - Is it good-bad or bad-bad?

And yet… the ending was satisfying (a departure from the book by Elin Hinderbrand) and waiting for the whodunit pulled me through!

If there was an award for the best lines it would have to go to Nicole. I don’t care how many of these characters she’s played - I will still watch the next.

“Anyone who wears flip flops outside of the confines of their own house should be arrested.”

2. A podcast you’ll want to share…

Kate Winslet is everywhere at the moment promoting her new film Lee (the first where she has producing credit) about photographer Lee Miller. While I was catching the tube in London with a friend we rushed past a promotional poster, and doubled back. It’s an arresting picture of her. Our immediate reaction was to comment on how refreshing it is to see an actress embrace aging and imperfections and on how rare and honest it is.

Quite soon after, I read this interview with her in Harpers Bazaar magazine and loved her response to a question about whether she minds looking less-than-perfect on screen:

"The opposite. I take pride in it because it is my life on my face, and that matters. It wouldn’t occur to me to cover that up."

I’m getting to the podcast bit now (better late than never). Winslet’s level-headedness, humour and dedication to championing women is on full display in this episode of How to Fail with Elizabeth Day. She’s so incredibly open.

They discuss her passion for her new film, her early struggles with body image, how she stays grounded, and (true to the podcast’s format) her 3 biggest failures.

Girl crush amplified (it was unlocked long ago).

3. Something that may surprise you…

Sticking with Kate - did you know she’s an accidental Grammy winner?

In 1999 she won Best Spoken Word Album for Children for Listen to the Storyteller: A Trio of Musical Tales from Around the World - a job that wasn’t even hers.

She tells the story best:

“Emma Thompson phones me one morning, she’s like, ‘hi darling, it’s me, I’ve got to call in a favour. I’m so sorry, I’ve lost my voice… anyway, Pat Doyle, he needs a replacement. I can’t go and record this thing this afternoon. There’s no money. It’s just a favour for a mate. Do you mind?’. Cut to - the whole thing won Best Album For Spoken Word and I won a Grammy!”

The key take-away here: say YES to those bonkers, out-of-left-field requests!

I’ve linked the audio book here in case you have kiddos that might love it (I’m thinking of you Gillian).

4. A backstory read…

While researching backstories on Nora Ephron’s Julie and Julia I remember being fascinated by the design of Julia Child’s kitchen. With one glance you can see how functionally motivated it is - everything is visible and graspable.

Look at that peg board system!

What I didn’t know until I read this article is how much of an influence her husband was in the design of both the kitchen and her cooking show The French Chef. During the war Paul Child was part of the Visual Presentation branch of the US intelligence agency. His particular speciality was designing war rooms, complete with situation maps, operational charts, models and diagrams.

“He planned her elaborate live-cooking demonstrations as if they were foremost a logistics challenge.”

Take a look at this overhead diagram of his plan for one of her shows. My detail-loving brain is in awe!

Stove top diagram by Paul Childs

Ok folks, I think we all need to up our ‘mise en place’ game

5. Something for a brain break…

I dug up this short clip from a New York Times interview with Nora Ephron, Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci during their promotional tour for their film Julie & Julia.

You have to watch it just for Tucci’s jibe and Meryl’s laugh.

---

One piece of advice:

Now to a piece of advice from Gabor Maté. After his talk he opened the floor to questions. A young woman stood up to the mic and asked how she could come to terms with struggling to reconcile with an estranged parent despite years of effort, including going to joint therapy.

I have had to paraphrase from my notes, but his short piece of advice had weight:

“You have no control over what he does, you can only control how you show up. I suspect there is something in the way you are showing up or your tone that signals to him that you are not being open-hearted. You have to let go of your idealistic view of what the relationship should be. When you let go of that need you will present a different energy and things may change.”

80-year-old rock star? Did not sit down once.

In case you want to follow him you can find him on Instagram here. He is a prolific author who has written books about addiction, ADHD, childhood development and trauma. He is also a holocaust survivor who is a strong advocate for peace in Palestine.